You know it's insecurity when the reason it started is because someone dear to you made you feel horrible about yourself. This kind of insecurity can be difficult to shake off, and it can become a barrier between you and the rest of the world. It can also lead to low self-esteem and worthlessness. It's imperative to identify these feelings and work on them to create a more positive outlook. And today, I can beat my chest and say that I did my best, but how far can my attempts take me?
Ever heard of the lisp tongue?
Most people believe that LISP is a speech condition where "s" and “z” are substituted in their speech, resulting in distorted conversation. However, while this is true to a certain extent, LISPing impediments are much more complicated than most people think. LISPing involves a complex mix of articulation errors, phonological errors, and prosodic errors. It can affect sentence creation and lead to poor speech comprehension. LISPing is a common speech disorder that leads to communication difficulties.
I remember being a confident child. I even carried this with me into adulthood, but along the way, I was bullied, called names, and accused of being rude and angry. This was because my communication level was different and I had a speech defect. I get questions like, "Why do you talk the way you do?" I can’t count how many times I've been offered free classes to correct my defect. I can't count how many times I’ve been stopped in the middle of a conversation to be asked stupid questions. If I could, I would create myself again, but do I have such power? Certainly not.
At some point, my voice was too loud. ‘You have a male voice,' they would point out to me. Boarding school was much worse. The girls in the hostel would say they thought a man had walked into the room. Sometimes I even played a man in school drama because people said, ‘I have the voice for it'. After a while, I built on that. I accepted my voice for what it was. I started to appreciate my voice for its uniqueness. I began to use it to my advantage in different situations. I realized that my voice was not a limitation but rather a strength I could use to express myself. I gained the confidence I needed along with it. However, when I progressed further in life, people beat me up for having such a deep voice, as if I created it myself. I started to doubt myself and my voice again, but I did not let them define me. I kept striving despite criticism and embraced my voice again.
I’ve learned to take things as they come; I’ve learned to accept my life as it is; and I've also learned that people address you through how you look at yourself. Now, I still have a fear of speaking in rowdy places. This is for two reasons: lack of confidence and the fact that people would mock my voice and ask questions about my speech impediment. I've been trying to overcome this fear slowly but surely. I'm becoming more confident in public, and I'm learning how to handle mocking and disrespectful comments. I'm determined to become a better public speaker and take control of my own narrative.
Regardless, I carry myself in the most professional manner, and when someone accuses me of being rude, I just tell them that’s your business because I didn’t intend what I said to be rude, but for the most part, it is you who interprets it that way. I strive to be as polite and respectful as possible, and I take full responsibility for my words. Ultimately, I control how I present myself and interact with others. But I will never be sorry for how I was created. I am not a perfectionist, and I make mistakes, but I am confident in who I am, and I refuse to apologize for that. I will not be silenced or ashamed of speaking my mind. I will always strive to be the happiest version of myself and kind to those around me. I will not let anyone else dictate how I should think or act, and I will always stand up for what I believe in. I am proud of who I am, and I will never apologize for it.
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